i don't like sucking hair
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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