I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
