I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
