u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
