Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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