I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
