FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
