What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
