I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
