Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
