yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
