my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
