You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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