So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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