i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
