Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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