I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
