He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
