ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
