So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
