Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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