dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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