its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
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My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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