You're so nebulous sometimes
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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