tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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