you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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