You just made me feel so damn special
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
