so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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