meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
