I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
