Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
