Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
