Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
