I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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