I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize