Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
