Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
