Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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