Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it hurts more in the daytime
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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