I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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