I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize