Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the gays at disneyland are vicious
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
