Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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