my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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