I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
