i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My dick has a subreddit
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
