I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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