and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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