Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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