They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Come see our sink grown plant.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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