I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize