I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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