Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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