Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
