between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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