Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
