How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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