The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
