got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
