is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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