My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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