At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
