I seem to have left my pride at pride
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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